What to do if trapped in a Horror Film

So, the unthinkable happens. Like some bizarre homage to The Hunger Games, someone manages to trap you within a horror film.
Here are a few tips that, won't necessarily help you survive, but will certainly allow you to blend in and happily settle in to your new role in "Disgusting Chainsaw-Wielding Bleeding Demons from Hell 4".

1. Don't mince words. If you are trying to avoid a "7 foot, blood stained, red-eyed, spike covered, meat hook-wielding, perverted maniac", then for heaven's sake say so. 'The monster' or 'what-the-hell-is-that-thing' won't have quite the same effect.
2. Always state the obvious. "It's too dangerous", "I'm scared", "Don't go, I love you" - things like these which can turn the simplest of viewer's brain to sponge cake are perfect.
3. Decide you're better off alone. Sure, a group can provide more targets, protection or maybe just a decent conversation [but don't get your hopes up] By all means, if walking off by yourself equipped with nothing but a baseball bat -which is sure to stop blood-thirsty ghosts - is what seems right to you, do it.
4. Darkness is your friend. It has to be, other horror-movie-attendees seem to believe so. In darkness you won't see the thing trying to kill you, which by far will make your experience a lot less terrifying. Apparently.
5. And finally, when the time comes that the huge slime-monster from some haunted lagoon is sprinting at you with the clear intention to murder, then make absolutely sure that you stand completely still, screaming your head off, until the monster finally reaches you and actually takes your head off.

Also for your consideration:
- If you are a male, your chances will go one of two ways. You will die gruesomely, or you'll be that one person in about 6 who actually survives the horrors. And go on towards therapy, presumably.
- If you are female, your chances will too go on of two ways. You will die gruesomely. Or you will be raped. And then die gruesomely. Depending on the age rating of the film, of course.

We hope that this information will help you, should you somehow get downloaded into a horror movie of some kind.
And remember the number one piece of advice. Rather opposing the number one piece of advice of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. But this isn't science fiction. This is a world where haunting horrors from hell are trying to destroy you. So remember advice piece 1:
PANIC.