When I started my Creative Writing degree, I knew what I was getting into. I knew that no-one can teach writing creatively; I knew there is no finite, objective way to become a fantastic writer and I knew that - despite people's scepticism - it wouldn't be easy.
It has been very tricky at times. Especially in Second Year, I found myself writing for some of my lecturers instead of myself. Self belief and integrity took a back seat for me to get a decent grade, which lead to a load of resentment and lack of enthusiasm for one class in particular.
But that isn't my chosen topic for today.
Because Creative Writing is an art form and entirely subjective and based on opinion, it is mind-destroyingly difficult to write critical essays. People studying academic subjects like Maths and Sciences have guidelines, there is very likely going to be a right and wrong answer.
Not with Creative Writing. There is an opinion, and there is evidence.
And that's where I fall down.
I have sat in embarrassed shame during many of my classes over the past three years. People around me read pieces of work and analyse it, with so many underlying metaphors and allegories and statements on the zeitgeist and criticisms and I just sit there like "Hmm, good story."
I've been like this since secondary school English Language. For an entire year, we argued exactly what points John Steinbeck was trying to get across in Of Mice and Men and I sat there, almost crying "But what if he didn't?! What if he just wanted to write a story about two men getting a job?"
It drives me insane. Why does everything have to have a second meaning, why can't you just take something and enjoy it? Go and see Shakespeare's The Tempest without constantly wondering what the good glorious fuck it does for modern society.
This also brings me onto a secondary point; and this ties into my lack of intelligence (which by now is probably sky-high and wearing high-visibility clothes). When quoting a text-book/peer-review/critical reading for an essay, why can't these people just use English?
I just found this on a critical reading of The Great Gastby:
"They have assumed skewed worldviews, mistakenly believing their survival lies in stratification and reinforcing social boundaries. They erroneously place their faith..."
Translation: They have poor outlooks on life, depending heavily on social values. They mistakenly put their faith in..." (Source)
(Yes I did have to look up "stratification". And obviously someone used a thesaurus so they wouldn't need 'mistakenly' again)
This way I don't have to re-read the same quote a dozen times with glossy eyes and still come out the other side with nothing sticking in my mind.
Then you go an visit a university lecturer for guidance, and it's incredible. University lecturers have this amazing ability to talk in riddles and use words specifically designed to melt from the mind within twenty minutes of hearing them.
You return home, switch the document with half of your essay on it and will contemplate suicide in the space of five minutes.
*
Okay, ranting, over-the-top, exaggerated drivel. But this is what some essays drive me to. I knew what I was getting into with Creative Writing, but I didn't expect this hardship of "Essays on Creative Writing."
If I disappear within the next few days I have face-desked myself to the point of concussion.
Hope Third Year goes well for the rest of you!
