When I started my Creative Writing degree, I knew what I was getting into. I knew that no-one can teach writing creatively; I knew there is no finite, objective way to become a fantastic writer and I knew that - despite people's scepticism - it wouldn't be easy.
It has been very tricky at times. Especially in Second Year, I found myself writing for some of my lecturers instead of myself. Self belief and integrity took a back seat for me to get a decent grade, which lead to a load of resentment and lack of enthusiasm for one class in particular.
But that isn't my chosen topic for today.
Because Creative Writing is an art form and entirely subjective and based on opinion, it is mind-destroyingly difficult to write critical essays. People studying academic subjects like Maths and Sciences have guidelines, there is very likely going to be a right and wrong answer.
Not with Creative Writing. There is an opinion, and there is evidence.
And that's where I fall down.
I have sat in embarrassed shame during many of my classes over the past three years. People around me read pieces of work and analyse it, with so many underlying metaphors and allegories and statements on the zeitgeist and criticisms and I just sit there like "Hmm, good story."
I've been like this since secondary school English Language. For an entire year, we argued exactly what points John Steinbeck was trying to get across in Of Mice and Men and I sat there, almost crying "But what if he didn't?! What if he just wanted to write a story about two men getting a job?"
It drives me insane. Why does everything have to have a second meaning, why can't you just take something and enjoy it? Go and see Shakespeare's The Tempest without constantly wondering what the good glorious fuck it does for modern society.
This also brings me onto a secondary point; and this ties into my lack of intelligence (which by now is probably sky-high and wearing high-visibility clothes). When quoting a text-book/peer-review/critical reading for an essay, why can't these people just use English?
I just found this on a critical reading of The Great Gastby:
"They have assumed skewed worldviews, mistakenly believing their survival lies in stratification and reinforcing social boundaries. They erroneously place their faith..."
Translation: They have poor outlooks on life, depending heavily on social values. They mistakenly put their faith in..." (Source)
(Yes I did have to look up "stratification". And obviously someone used a thesaurus so they wouldn't need 'mistakenly' again)
This way I don't have to re-read the same quote a dozen times with glossy eyes and still come out the other side with nothing sticking in my mind.
Then you go an visit a university lecturer for guidance, and it's incredible. University lecturers have this amazing ability to talk in riddles and use words specifically designed to melt from the mind within twenty minutes of hearing them.
You return home, switch the document with half of your essay on it and will contemplate suicide in the space of five minutes.
*
Okay, ranting, over-the-top, exaggerated drivel. But this is what some essays drive me to. I knew what I was getting into with Creative Writing, but I didn't expect this hardship of "Essays on Creative Writing."
If I disappear within the next few days I have face-desked myself to the point of concussion.
Hope Third Year goes well for the rest of you!
Welcome to the humanities, friend! As a Film Studies student, every assignment I've received over the last three years has been critical analysis just like the kind you hate! I'm pleased to say that I've fairly got the hang of the whole deal by now (though a glance back at my first year one essays in which I drew upon a grand total of two sources tells me I started out from the bottom). It's definitely not an easy thing, but it is something you can learn, or at least train yourself to do, I find - that is, finding all those hidden analogies and critical readings which may or may not have been intentional. I have to say that I don't think analysing texts like that makes them any less enjoyable, in fact once you get the hang of it and can contribute to those discussions it becomes fascinating on a whole new level.
ReplyDeleteBut I will wholeheartedly agree on the pointless density of a LOT of critical essays from which we are asked to work. I'm convinced that 99% of them only write in that way because they've read essays that sound like that, and those essays only sound like that because THEY'VE read essays that sound like that. In the academic circle, it basically boils down to A) wanting to sound as intelligent as your friend/person you are disagreeing with or B) wanting to be taken seriously and figuring that if you are incomprehensible, it will help toward that... Luckily reading these texts also gets easier with practice (I don't know how many of them I've read now, but the more critical work you read, the easier it becomes to find the voice to write it with).
I do also want to tell you that you're not alone in one respect though. I have always felt that same feeling when sat in seminars and lectures where everybody is so analytical and profound and critical, and especially when they reference a whole ton of films I've never heard of (usually French or Italian). I do feel like the only person in my class who watches movies for fun, and especially the only one who actually likes Hollywood blockbusters. Film for me is entertainment, above all else. It's led me to somewhat specialize in the deconstruction of popular cinema, so that I can apply my critical brain to the films I actually /enjoy/, and maybe even prove to people that they are worth studying.
I guess the most important point of all this is the following: it can be easy to start feeling guilty or, as you say, unintelligent, just for loving what you love and specializing in what you specialize in. Don't let that happen. Without those who write for the joy of writing or make films for the joy of making films, there would be nothing for those critical minded friends of ours to analyse in the first place. You are most certainly not any less intelligent than your peers.
Keep your head above water and you'll get through your last year just fine, friend ^^